When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
