i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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