there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Randomize
