Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
as a side note pls kill me
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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