I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
