Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
