She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
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