..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Randomize
