Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
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