I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
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