a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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