My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
