Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Randomize
