Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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