tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
