I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
