Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
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