i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
