Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
