I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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