I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Randomize
