is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
