I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Do you remember whose house we're in?
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
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