I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
