Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Randomize
