he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
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