I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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