Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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