I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Randomize
