god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
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