a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
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