Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Randomize
