I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
