it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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