Cold hands, warm shart.
My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
