I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
We left an ass print on the piano.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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