Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Randomize
