there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Randomize
