He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
