I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Randomize
