I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
