is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
