I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
