Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
