Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
