i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
