she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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