I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
