she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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