You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
