I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
